The world will try to mold you... but
be determined to be the woman that GOD
desires for you to be!
If you are reading this right now, it’s likely because you want a better relationship with your mother-in-law. And not only that, you want to love her better.
I commend you. God’s heart is that we would love and honor our mother and father. And once we marry and husband and wife become one, then this crosses over to our in-laws too. For this, you deserve recognition. God bless you for wanting to be obedient to God, and love her better.
Often as we mature in both wisdom and age, we learn that loving others better often means that love is not always returned. I pray this is not your particular case, but if it is, then don’t lose hope. Even if your mother-and-law and you never become BFFs, you can still love her deeply.
Here are five truths to embrace to love her better.
She Is Not Your Competition
There are obvious roles a wife has with her husband that no-one else can fulfill. And there are obvious roles a mother has with her son that no-one else can fulfill.
But in our current society, there are other roles separate from both of these roles that can be confusing, and here is where each individual family must come to an agreement. It is important that the three of you understand where the line is, and even where the grey line is, if you will have one.
How To Embrace This:
If this is you my Friend, then even if you think you already know what the roles are, you need to define them. You might need your husband’s help, and you might even show them to your mother-in-law to come to a civil decision, but you need a tangible definition if you feel competition. Once you have a tangible list of what your role is, own it. And once you have a firm definition of what her role is, let it go.
If you decide that it’s the wife’s role to cook all the dinners and you take high offense when his mother cooks a dinner and brings it over, then make sure you do it. And if you decide that only a mother can work out an inheritance for after her death, then don’t try to do her job.
Although some of the basics will be very clear, many of these job roles will be different for every family, so your list may be very unique. The important thing once you have the list, is to do what you believe your role is, and let her do what you believe her role is.
God Has Changed The Hearts Of Kings
And He can change hers too…if it’s in His will. If you have a mother-in-law who has made it clear you are not her desired pick for her son, don’t lose hope. Putting it into God’s hands, and honoring her as you were commanded will bring about a change of heart—if not hers, then yours.
Yes, it may be that God’s will is for your heart to change. It may well be that you have trust issues, jealousy problems, or suffer from selfishness. No one wants to hear it, I’m with you. But no matter how obvious it may be to you that she is the one with the problem, it might very well be a problem with your heart.
Alternately, there might be a problem with both of your hearts. The important truth here is that no matter whose heart the bitterness or stubbornness comes from, God can work on either of them. Nothing is too hard for Him.
How To Embrace This:
The first thing to do to embrace this is to accept it. Accept that even if you are trying your hardest, God might want to work on your heart. And accept that perhaps you haven’t worked on your heart at all, and it’s time to start.
Tell God you are ready for Him to do a work in you (don’t stop praying for a work in her heart, of course). Be sure you are really being truthful with yourself and Him too, or don’t expect to see results. You will never be able to trick God.
When you’re honest, and you’ve asked for His help, then lastly, you must obey Him as He works on you. And it may be hard, and frustrating, and exhausting. Expect nothing less.
God Is In Control
It may very well be that you spend your whole married life working on your in-law relationship. It may very well be that you are praying earnestly for repair, restoration, or just a surviving relationship.
It’s important to understand that you could give 100% of yourself to the relationship, and earnestly be seeking the Lord and obeying Him fully in the matter and things still don’t work out.
And if this is the case? You need to do more than know God is in control, you need to embrace it.
How To Embrace This:
God doesn’t make mistakes. Realize that if you did everything you could, and let Him be in charge, then this must be what is in God’s will. This is not your doing, and you are right where God wants you to be. Continue living in obedience.
Your Husband Married You Because He Loves You
If you have to change yourself in order to make your mother in law love you, then you won’t be the same woman your husband fell in love with.
While it is desirable to have a good relationship with your in-laws, changing yourself to please them will have some kind of impact on how your husband sees you. You may become more patient, and your husband could find this more attractive. Or, you may become more inattentive to your children because you are distracted with things that please her. The possibilities are endless. Either way, you will not be the same woman he initially married.
How To Embrace This:
It is desirable to grow and mature your relationship with your husband. It is desirable to mature in your relationship with the Lord. But I ask you, Are you thinking of making a dire change just to please his mother? Better check with God first, and then your husband.
You can’t be all things to all people. You may well have to choose to please one over the other. Remember God says He is first and our husbands are second. Make your decision very wisely Friend.
She Is His Mother
That man you married that is God’s gift to you? Yeah, him. She is his mother. She raised him. She deserves credit for that.
How To Embrace This:
When you are tempted by Satan to think of how bad of a parent she is, you need to quickly remind yourself that not only did your husband turn out okay, but he turned out to be the one man in the whole world that you want to be with more than any other.
She deserves your respect for that. He may not be perfect, and she may not either, but you need to embrace that she at least did this one very important thing right.
When we feel attacked and are wounded by our mother-in-laws, it can be tempting to lash out at her, or even him. Our husbands must always know where our hearts are at, but putting him in the middle of your frustrations, or nagging him about her when you are hurt will not fix the situation. Indeed it may very well make life worse.
Instead, remain obedient to God by honoring your mother-in-law.
Embracing these 5 truths will help you to love her better.
Would you like to go through this together? Deeper?
Join Deborah for a free 5 week study.
We'll talk, have hand-outs, and pray for each other as we learn to love deeper.
You can visit my site here, at Grace Garden and Homestead - where I’ll share my journey of
self-sufficiency with you all.
So thankful for our "M" Words writers:
I am first and foremost a Child of the Most High God, then the Farmer’s wife, and then a mommy. I have a passion for Christ, but also a passion for other women to have a passion for Christ. I've spent much time earning various degrees, and traveling the world on various medical missions. All of my hard work and the Lord’s guidance has led me to the best life possible I could never have imagined, living on a farm where life moves slow and simple. You can visit me at: Grace Garden And Homestead
Piper is a college freshman majoring in Christian Education/Ministry Formation & Business/Economics in the hopes of being equipped to go into the ministry or mission field long term.
Amanda is true southern belle who reflects a sincere sweet spirit and a genuine heart for guiding and mentoring young women in their walk with Christ. Amanda meets weekly with young women and mom's at her home for an in-depth study of His Word. She is a true Titus 2 woman of faith.